colleen_odea

Happy Birthday to moderngypsy, my birthday twin! Thanks for being such an inspiration - I love that you've added soap-making to your list of things you do. Wow! Hope you have a great day.

Happy birthday to beccaelf! Hope it's a good one.

(It's also my grandmother's birthday; you're in great company.)

61 weeks since I posted an entry? That's so pathetic! I'll make an effort to post a little more frequently in the future - though it's a bit difficult since my Internet access is extremely limited right now. Anyway, I'm still here and still kickin'!

Just for fun I did my interests collage - these are so cool!

( My Interests Collage! )

I know it ended a week ago; my Internet time has been cut back drastically (not my choice!). I did complete the challenge, though - my primary goal was to spin something every single day of the challenge and I did it. My spinning has improved a lot from the practice - it's become much finer and, more importantly, pretty consistant. I've learned how to join without huge, obvious slubs - more times than not without any apparent join at all. My secondary challenges were plying, which I tried and didn't do too well at, and dyeing, which I didn't get to. (But since that was a secondary challenge, I still believe I finished the Tour.) I tried a version of Andean plying which went ok the first time with just a small amount of yarn but not so well the second (the plying bracelet was too tight and the yarn wouldn't come off it; I ended up winding it onto a niddy-noddy). I'd like to try again soon though and also want to buy or approximate some bobbins to I can learn to ply that way. I have some Koolaid and some Easter egg dye set aside so I can try dyeing in the near future. I've kept up with the spinning - skipped one day on purpose because my left wrist was getting sore and I have to be careful about carpal tunnel syndrome and missed yesterday completely by accident. I'm setting a goal for the rest of the summer (probably through mid-September, the equinox) to spin at least half an hour a day, six days a week and the same secondary goals - to try plying again, and to try dyeing.

Oh yeah - I spun cotton! I took a couple of those cotton bats that come in pill bottles (the real cotton ones, not the fake things - you can feel the difference), split them, did some predrafting, and tried them on my little, lightweight top-whorl. The woman at the local wool store told me, when I was in there, that short-staple fibers require that you let the twist move up into the triangle while drafting. I tried it et voila! It works! Of course it's a little lumpy and certainly not fine enough to crochet doilies with, but I did it! Yay!

That sentiment is heartfelt today. It's been a crazy day and I haven't been sleeping well. I'm looking forward to the weekend.


In Tour de Fleece news, I spun somewhere between 15 and 17 yards of the rough white stuff yesterday (I lost count) and the spindle was pretty full so I took that off the started with some gorgeous, rich, royal purple colonial wool top. I've been saving it for quite awhile because I didn't want to make crappy unskilled yarn with it. It's lovely to work with and I have lots of it (thanks to DH - yay him!). I only spun a few yards 'cause it was late, but I'm looking forward to working more with it this weekend.

The race continues!

July 5: I spun between 7.5 and 8 yards of yarn. (Still the rough white wool.)

I'm fairly happy with my yarn though I see plenty of room for improvement. It's thin but I think it should be thinner for plying. Still, it's a nice size for a single. There are occasionally thick slubs - where I haven't predrafted enough and where I join lengths of roving. (I still can't spin a nice yarn without copious predrafting.) I think I have two more balls of the white stuff, then I have some lovely purple wool DH bought me at a ren faire.

July 3: spun many yards of the white wool (I don't know how many - I ought to measure sometime, see how many feet of yarn I "walk up" when I wind it onto the spindle, then keep track of how many times I wind). I also ordered some combed wool top from Annie May in assorted blues/greens - I'm considering it a belated birthday present and can't wait for it to arrive.

July 4: Predrafted a couple of ounces of the white wool (this is all roving) - a nice sized ball; got 4 of the same sized balls of predrafted stuff out of it. I spun one of the pre-drafted ball - several yards.

There's a wool shop in town that I keep meaning to check out and always forget about. I hope I remember this Saturday.

Wow, it's been far too long since I've updated.

I joined a spinning challenge this month - called the Tour de Fleece, it takes place at the same time as the Tour de France (hence the name!). Since I don't have Internet access at home, I generally don't update on weekends. I should've remembered to post something to that effect on Friday so other challengees wouldn't think I'd already dropped out, but didn't think of it. *sigh*.

July 1: I wound the yarn that was on my spindle onto my fake niddy-noddy (aka coathanger) and spun several yards of yarn. I don't know what I have, unfortunately. It's white. It's wool. It's a bit rough - I wouldn't like wearing it next to the skin.

July 2: Spun several more yards of my white wool.

July 3: Today I ordered 6 oz. of wool top in various blue shades (it'll be a surprise, seeing what I get) from Annie Mae. I can't wait to get it. I'll spin more white wool when I get home tonight, and I really should set the twist in the yarn I took off the spindle Sunday.

Sadly, I have no photos. I have a cheap but useful digital camera. Unfortunately, the hand-me-down computer we have at home thinks it's running Windows 98 (even though Properties clearly show it as running Windows 2000) and the camera software needs Windows 2000 to install. Once we figure out how to convince the computer that it really does had Windows 2000, I can install the camera software and share photos.

Yeah, that's just lame. I never did do any updating in the computer class at school - the way the class was set up, I didn't want to do anything that I might mind if someone peered over my shoulder.

Anyway, I'm done with school and begin a new job on Monday. I'm very excited! I have no doubt it's a step up and will give me a good grounding in my field.

The downside - the only one I can think of - is that I'll no longer be able to play on the Internet during the day. This office (the one I'm leaving tomorrow) is so laid back (also unprofessional and poorly run) that no one cares what you do during down time and there's a surprising bit of it. No downtime at the new place! It pays better, though, so perhaps I can get a new computer in the not-too-distant future and get back online at home. I miss that.

Last week I spent my evenings watching tv and cutting out most of the patterns in my kirigami-a-day calendar. (So I couldn't wait all year - I got a little obsessive.) This week I spent my evenings watching tv and reading. I want to organize my little corner now to make my needlework and spinning more accessible and start spending evenings stitching and crocheting and spinning, as well as reading.

So nice having my evenings back!

- I knew there was a reason I decided to take the class rather than attempt the placement exam (which I probably could've passed but wasn't quite sure enough to gamble eighty bucks on).

Since I don't have Internet access at home and my time at work is limited (they do, after all, expect me to work there!), I think this two nights a week, two hours a night class in the computer lab will come in handy. I can get caught up on my e-mail and l-j. (Yes we have homework but it's all in class and so far I've managed to finish mind in 15 or 20 minutes.) Huzzah for extra computer time!

Sometimes I like life's little ironies. For example, DH and I live in a 400 square-foot weekly rental unit. It's in an ok - not great but not horrible - neighborhood with onsite security and decent enough neighbors. We didn't move here by choice; we moved here a little over a year ago because of our job situations (unemployed and underemployed for a long stretch of time). This place is only marginally cheaper than our old apartment and we have to rent a storage unit, but all the utilities are included, and they'll accept rent payments by the week. (That's the clincher, those weekly payments. When we moved, we'd gotten into a situation in which we didn't have all the rent when it was due - we had half and would've had the other half before the end of the month, but the apartment management wouldn't accept partial payments under any conditions - hence the move.) I don't hate living here but I'll be happy to move into a bigger place in a nicer neighborhood when I'm done with school and making more money. Anyway, the point is, most of the people living here are here because their financial situations don't allow them to live somewhere "better". ("Better" in quotes, since having a clean, safe, comfortable place to live is a better situation than lots of people I see every day while I wait for the bus.) So it cracks me up every day when I walk by the pickup truck with the signs advertising "We buy houses! We pay cash!" I'm thinking there's something not quite right about a situation in which someone who works for a company that can pay cash for houses has to live in a little weekly rental unit himself. Ironic.

Kind of like when I was on the bus the other day and saw a guy wearing a t-shirt advertising a car-towing service. Hmmm. You work there? Your boss towing your car today? Made me grin. (Then again, it might not be the least bit funny; I'm living proof that having a job doesn't mean one can afford a car. Insurance here is a killer, sometimes higher than the car payment, and gas is only just recently edging below $2.00/gallon. Cheaper than Europe but higher than most of the rest of the country.)

Another little bit of irony - I couldn't wait to get off the front desk at work, which was just a temporary fill-in to help out till they hired someone permanently. I did and since then, I've been so swamped that I haven't had a chance to read my e-mail or update my livejournal. At least at the front desk I could keep my e-mail under control! Things (both at work and online) are finally back to normal, though. Internet access at home - another thing to look forward to when I graduate and get a higher paying job.

It's been an insane sort of week, mostly due to the previously mentioned drama. I'm still filling in at the front desk at work. I hate almost every moment of it, though I'm doing an awfully good job of hiding that from customers and bosses, if I do say so myself. I hope they hire a receptionist soon!

Reception work (and I've done it before so this is not news to me) is more difficult than anyone wants to acknowledge - especially those who've never done it - and it's almost always underpaid and underappreciated.

On a much brighter note, I was able to get my yarn and knitting needles/crochet hooks out of storage. Yay! Forgot to get my pattern books, but I can get them later and in the meantime there are pattern-less things I can do as well as patterns on the Internet. Currently, I'm knitting a scarf and crocheting a man's bonnet (beret) for use at ren faires. I'm trying to copy a bonnet we already have; it's pretty generic - rounds of double crochet; the last three rows have spaces and the last row has a drawstring. So far it's coming along well and working up quickly. If it works out, I may make several to sell at faire. I also have a small drawstring bag that I've always wanted to try to copy. I think it was originally a little handbag (made of white cotton crochet thread) but I always used it as my doll's diaper bag. In recent years, I've used it to carry needlework supplies.

Last Sunday was the first day I didn't do any art since I unofficially joined the challenge. I meant to! I spent the day with a few friends, just catching up and watching episodes of Magnificent 7 (tv series from a few years ago based on the movie). They wanted to show me the "pretty, scruffy cowboys". Oh my, were they pretty! Eric Close should always have long hair and stubble; it does wonders for him. Anyway, I got home around 9:00, talked with DH for awhile, then we went to bed. I forgot all about doing something art-wise. I felt guilty Monday morning but talked myself out of it. This is something I'm doing for fun, not an obligation that I have to feel guilty about if I miss a day. Even missing a day, I've done more than I managed to do in several months before the challenge started.

Saturday I assembled the watch kit. It's very pretty; chips of amethyst, quartz, and (I think) blue tourmaline - an aquamarine color - interspersed with gray, freshwater pearls. The metal is silver-colored and the watch face looks like mother of pearl. The kit, from Fire Mountain Gems, was inexpensive, it was fun and easy to put together, and the end results are lovely. I want more!

So far the phones have been relatively quiet today and I hope it stays that way....

Lots of drama going on at work right now - people quitting, people getting fired . . . I'm just laying low and being flexible. It's not all bad - it looks like I'll be getting a different position with more to do and a $1.00/hour raise (not a lot, but every little bit helps). Sadly, I won't be under the direct supervision of my current boss (the best boss I've ever had) but I'll still get to work closely with him.

***

In other areas, Eliza at iqzine issued at art challenge earlier this month. The idea is to do a piece of art a day for 30 days; May 15th was the start date. I didn't officially join the challenge because between work and school (and the drama at work!) I didn't want to make any committments. But I've been following along unofficially, just to see what I could do, and so far I've managed to do something every day. Some days it's no more than spinning several yards of yarn, other days it's knitting several rows of a scarf. I have a couple of simple beading projects to throw into the rotation at some point as well as a blackwork piece I set aside a couple of months ago. I've also gotten some ideas for ATCs, but haven't begun them yet - don't have the materials. I'm very pleased that I've managed to do at least something, no matter how small, each day so far.

(I never did get out to my storage unit to get my knitting and crocheting things, so I bought knitting needles and yarn at Michaels, even though I shouldn't have spent the money and even though I have plenty of both in storage. I wish I'd pick up a couple of crochet hooks, too.)

Last night, Colleen, I was dreaming of you, again. It was so nice.

You were radiant, confident, and light beamed in every direction from the core of your being. Music followed you, angels serenaded you, and everyone was elevated by your presence. Wisdom shown from your eyes. Kindness emanated from your touch. And your power... was simply awesome.

You were... you looked... well... pretty much exactly as I see you right now.

Colleen, you totally rock.

The Universe

***

Today's message from the Universe. I wish people saw me like this. I wish *I* saw me like this!

It's been an eventful couple of weeks. Dad had outpatient surgery yesterday, my niece had surgery the day before. (Two different states, both too far for me to get there.) Both are doing well. DH was sick last week with an infected spider bite on his face - nasty, requiring antibiotics. Finally was able to withdraw from the online accounting class that was giving me such fits - only took the assistant dean 5 minutes to accomplish what the online class coordinator has not been able to do in two weeks! Tomorrow I can get my knitting and crochet stuff out of storage - yay! Maybe Sunday I'll just sleep and knit. Mmmm, relaxation. (Funny, after these past few weeks, my regular schedule of full time work and full time school seems kinda lazy. But only a little!)

***

Want to know a secret?
Everything in your life is a symbol.
A reflection. A clue. A reminder.
Of what you understand, and of what you don't, made manifest.
Look to the beauty for truth. And to what hurts, for its beauty.

This was Tuesday's message from the Universe. I like that last bit about looking to the beauty for truth and to what hurts, for its beauty.

My great-grandmother died on Good Friday of this year. She was 95 - would've been 96 in August - and I couldn't be with her at the end or even go to her funeral. I hadn't seen her in a couple of years and I'd been praying that she would live long enough for me to see her again. (She wasn't in ill health, just old and no longer able to care for herself at all, so it wasn't impossible.) It didn't happen. That hurt. But I do believe she's in Heaven now - I don't just say that for comfort, I believe it. I believe she's with so many people she loved and lost in her lifetime, friends and family members, including two of my cousins who died before they were a year old. Grams was the most truly spiritual (yet still down to earth) person I've ever had the privilege to know. When she spoke about loving the Lord Jesus, you knew it wasn't just lip service. I can't think of any hypocrisies on her part - she's the sort of person that "walked the walk, not just talked the talk". She wanted to be with her Savior and I believe she is, mind whole, body whole, spirit whole. There's the beauty in this hurt.

And selfishly, since Grams has died, I've felt much less stressed out. There's still plenty of stress in my life - DH's unemployment, me trying to support us both on $9.00 an hour, school, no car, major debt that I can't ignore forever - but I can see an end to all these problems down the road, someday. I can even put a date to the end of some of them. But with Grams, every day brought the thought "will it be today?" Every phone call from my mom caused trepidation. It's nice not to be living like that anymore, though I have to say I feel kind of bad thinking like that.

...or knit or crochet. I have several needlework projects at home and a few beading projects but do I feel like working on those? No, of course not. I want to crochet or try *one more time* to learn to knit. All of my knitting and crochet stuff is in storage. It's over 95 degrees out, I have no car, and I want to do something that I have to travel five miles across town in the heat to do. *sigh*

I thought about calling my mom and asking her to take me next Sunday, then realized that next Sunday is Mother's Day. That would be kinda tacky, wouldn't it? Maybe Saturday. (Saturday is supposed to be a bit cooler, so maybe I'll just take the bus down. Of course there's still the quarter mile walk back from the bus stop carrying all that stuff to contend with.)

Knitting . . . I've tried to learn to knit off and on for over 30 years. I am bound and determined that one of these days it's going to happen! The two biggest obstacles to me learning to knit is (a) my knitting gets too tight (strange, since it's the only form of needlework I've tried where that happens to me - my tension is usually great) and (b) the beginning stages of knitting are bore me. Silly, because if I'd just get myself *beyond* those beginning stages, it wouldn't be boring anymore.

Mary Maxim is selling some funky, colorful yarns that knit into stripes and patterns. They show them made into socks and they sell these clear plastic boots to wear with the socks so you can show your socks off. I suppose that's rather uncool. I don't care; I'd wear 'em to work - at least on Fridays.

Who wants to begin working with yarn just as the temperatures are beginning their annual climb into the hundreds, anyway? Maybe there really is no reason when it comes to art (or craft, as the case may be).

Even though I'm feeling great about school right now, work is stressful. My step-boss was on a rampage today and I - we all - hate when that happens. Started on it just before lunch, too. He yells and screams and swears, talks to everyone as if they're stupid, then when he's calmed down he's nice and sweet and thinks we should all put his temper tantrums behind us.

To be honest, his rampages don't affect me directly, because he's my step-boss, not my real boss, and he takes care to treat me well. But I hate listening to the way he treats his real employees; no one should have to put up with that sort of treatment, on the job or off.

Oh - regarding the term "step-boss": I went to work for an attorney back in August. He's the best boss I've ever had. Doesn't pay me enough (sole practitioners often don't make as much money as the general public thinks) and there's no insurance, but he's a great guy to work for, generous with bonuses when he can be, and I'm getting some good on-the-job training. In January, he quit working as a sole practitioner and went to work for another attorney, one he'd worked for before. Hence, "step-boss". It's a definite plus having my real boss as a buffer some days!

When I first began working here, I thought I might have found a way to stick with my boss (G) once I graduate and have that paralegal (associates) degree. I figured if G couldn't afford to pay me what the job's worth at that point, I could perhaps work something out between him and his boss (D) - something like going on D's payroll and remaining my G's assistant. After four months, I'm not sure I want to. Probably, I'll go ahead and have the job placement office at school find something for me. (They're always saying they don't have enough paralegal graduates to place with the firms who are wanting them.)

I *so* don't want to leave my job. (But if DH doesn't find work, I'll eventually have to.) Guess I'll deal with that issue down the road.

This morning I e-mailed the on-line class coordinator at school and asked about the procedure to withdraw from my online accounting course. Oddly, I feel bettern about school now than I have been since this quarter started (April 12). If I want to be done with school next quarter, I have to take 16 credit hours each quarter. Dropping the online course takes me down to 12 - enough to keep my financial aid, enough to get a pretty little certificate if I maintain a high enough GPA, but not enough to get me out of school in October. And I don't care! I feel like I've given myself permission to just back down a bit and it feels pretty good. (I've been in school full time since July 14, 2003 and both in school and working full time since August 25, 2003, and maintained a 4.0 GPA the entire time. I haven't exactly been slacking.)

The accounting course - a graduation requirement - is something I'll do better in if I'm in a traditional classroom environment. I knew that - heaven knows what I was thinking when I signed up for the online version. I got started two weeks late (signed up a week late, then after another full week, found out I had the *wrong book*) and am still struggling with the first week's homework - and it's the beginning of the fourth week! (I'd have done fine if I'd chosen one of the paralegal courses - all reading, no math. ) Too much stress and frustration, not to mention havoc with my GPA. I hope the online class coordinator gets back to me soon, because I'd really rather have a volunary withdrawal on my record than an involuntary drop, which I'll get any day now for not turning in any work yet. But even that's not bothering me much at the moment.

Maybe next quarter, when I'm trying to figure out how to still get out in October rather than January it'll bother me, but today it's just not.

My husband and I moved to Las Vegas from the upper midwest in November of 2000. It was a big mistake. At first it seemed like a good idea, but looking back (as is so often the case when one makes a bad decision) it's easy to see the red flags that we didn't see, or didn't want to see, when we left. We've had good reasons to regret moving here (fortunately, none of those reasons involve drinking or gambling) and though I try not to dwell on regrets, sometimes it's hard to to focus on them. Our life has been pretty rough the past couple of years and sometimes remaining optimistic is just plain hard. I sure try, though!

Yesterday I began receiving Messages from the Universe. This was my first one:

"Colleen, there will always be something else you could have said. There will always be something else you could have done. And there will always be another life you could have lived.

But, frankly, we're still savoring all you did say, do, and become, in spite of so many reasons that you might not have."

I feel better each time I read that. Life is still rough but we're working to make it better and one of these days we'll get out of this town and back home. In the meantime, I'm trying to focus on today and everything I'm saying, doing, and becoming each day.